It seems like this time last year I was in the same place I am in now with this dissertation. I am staring the job market head on (jobs are released early September) and I still have only 1 totally needs to be redone chapter that needs comments and editing before I send it as a writing sample. Although this past year, my life has seen many changes: the title of Mrs. before my name, having to cope with death and sickness of various family members, disappointments, the exploration of new, creative side hustles, and a move back to my hometown, I still feel stuck when it comes not only to the dissertation, but also life. I know that people’s lives aren’t as perfect as they seem from the outside, but I swear my everyday is a constant struggle, an uphill battle against something. So yes, I am constantly asking, why must everything be so hard for ME? How does one ever catch a damn break!?
I keep reading these blogs about meditation and about staying focused, so that is what I am determined to do. Writing this thing should not be that hard, but making the dedication to getting it done is the hard part. I make the following promises to myself: 1) push self-doubt out of the way; 2) write even if it I think it is crap; and 3) start being selfish with my time; and 4) know that prayer and meditation in the bible helps! Every morning, my goal is to write here before jumping into my work. It may be about what I learned the day before or it may be about the dress that I am dying to buy. In any case, I need to have a forum for my voice so that I can hear it and believe in it.
So, I’m changing the goal of this blog; it is no longer just a documentation of my journey through academia, but the journey to find me and my purpose. I want a record of my travels, a map of the life I am living and not the life that I want to live.
Let’s Go!
